troll 2, originally titled goblins, is the supposedly worst movie of all time, made by an italian crew and filmed in utah with locals. there’s a few weeks gap between our screening of troll 2 and the documentary about it, best worst movie. without wanting to watch troll 2 again, i took the easy way out and use the good old reliable list option instead of a full review.
16 musings on troll 2:
-night and day must be the same word in italian since these “little people of the night” is intercut with them running around in the woods during daytime.
-i always knew eating meat is good for you. in some instances, it saves lives.
-ditto living in the city and not in the woods.
-ditto not anywhere in or near utah.
-exposition 101: “grandpa seth has been gone for more than six months…it was very hard for everyone…and for me, his daughter”
-i never get why city folks feel the need to take vacation in (half-empty) towns, or go backpacking, to the woods, outdoors, camping. go to a fucking museum in the city. go see 5 movies in one day in a big fucking city. hobos/panhandlers > goblins/trolls
-shouldn’t the idea of two vastly different families switching houses be a reality show? or is it one already?
-the trolls…er…goblins seem to have a rather complicated system of getting food. someone needs to eat something green(ew) before said person can be turned into plant/food for said goblins.
-the mom, grandpa seth’s daughter’s favorite song is “row row row your boat.”
-a lot of people make fun of the name of the half-empty town of nilbog when its mystery is finally revealed in the movie. but is it really that much worse than the reveal in zardoz? i don’t think so.
-helena boham carter’s mom is apparently in troll 2. probably made up by tim burton.
-it IS extremely hard to get coffee in utah.
-don’t want someone to eat your food? pee on the food.
-dead grandpa seth can freeze time, provide molotov cocktail and a backpack full of baloney sandwiches from the afterlife, but yet he shows up in the mirror in the wrong room in the vacation home because he doesn’t have a blueprint of the house.
-before, during, and after this movie, an ear of corn at no time appears erotic or seductive. i should share that, however, when things get hot and heavy, said ear of corn will turn into popcorn, microwave style. remember that next time you go on a movie date.
-more movies could benefit from the line “we need some time for some things to happen”
despite its title, troll 2 is not really the best worst movie. in fact, even though it was on our list, we didn’t really feel the need to schedule it until the documentary best worst movie came out. now that we’ve seen it, i would probably place it among the top 20 worst movies of all time.
directed by michael stephenson, who played the kid in troll 2, best worst movie is a documentary about the making of and ensuring cult surrounding the supposedly worst movie ever. while stephenson stays mostly behind the scene, the film focus on george hardy, the dad in troll 2, who is now a dentist in alabama. hardy is an extremely likable, cheerful, and energetic guy(even his ex-wife has nothing but nice things to say about him). the same can’t be said for the rest of the cast and crew. two of them are mentally unstable, one is ashamed to put this on her resume, plus the douche behind it all.
and that douche would be the director of troll 2. one issue that always fascinates me about bad movies is how such things happen. since filmmaking is such a collaborative effort, and no one(at least not until recently) would make a bad movie on purpose. however misguided the project is, wouldn’t someone, at some point be objective enough to say something to somebody to prevent such catastrophy from happening? like the happening?
in troll 2’s case, cast and crew may have tried, but the director is so headstrong in his vision that he refused to hear anything different. which makes you wonder why he uses a pseudonym in the credit. in the documentary, he even yells out from the audience during a q&a panel with the cast of troll 2 saying they don’t know anything. in fact, he blames his actors quite often in the documentary, while the actors recall trying to change the weird sounding lines to more american sounding but the director insisted that he knows how american teenagers talk.
as bad as the director appears in the documentary, i do think he misunderstood in thinking that the actors were on stage making fun or laughing at him. i also wonder if there were footages left unused since when he first appears, he seems excited that troll 2 is getting such extreme reactions from people, whether good or bad. but the rest of the documentary makes him out to be a pretentious “artist.” as much as i hate this guy, at least he didn’t make a bad movie and then try to sell it as a black comedy after being mocked.
the apparent cult of troll 2 started with some hipster douchebags mistaking troll 2 as the worst movie of all time. at numerous times during best worst movie, i was worried that the cast and crew of troll 2 would be made fun of by hipster douchebags(which happened when i went to see american movie the second time with a college crowd). thankfully there weren’t too many scenes with these hipster douchebags. there’s a longer than it should have been sequence with one of these hipster douchebags, thinking he’s being ironic and funny, asking why the movie is called troll 2 when there are no trolls in the movie. a quick trip to troll 2 on wikipedia answers your question, dipshit. it’s in the first paragraph, fucktard.
you’ll notice in the above troll 2 pseudo-review that, unlike most people, i didn’t criticize the acting or special effects. first of all, i don’t think performances themselves can ruin an otherwise good movie, even if you play a science teacher in a m. night shyamalan movie. and after seeing best worst movie, i kinda like the actors/actresses. knowing going in that it’s a low budget movie shot with locals, why would anyone expect the same thing from say, indy 4. in fact, i’ll go on record to say that it was less torturous for me to watch troll 2 than indy 4 or the 90s mummy movies.
viewing troll 2 before best worst movie would be interesting but not necessary. on the surface, best worst movie is about a bad movie that somehow develops into cult status thanks to hipster douchebags. what really stays with me afterwards is that people everywhere, from utah to alabama to italy, struggle with what they love to do and what they have to do to make a living. dreams vs. reality. art vs. commerce. without giving any more away, i would say best worst movie is as entertaining and depressing(the convention scenes, the actor who played the grandpa) as any documentary on low budget filmmaking should be. the numerous reenactments are unnecessary while deeper major themes remain undeveloped. the upbeat ending feels forced. it’s not in the same league as american movie.
and for the love of nilbog, if you feel like you have wasted your life, stop watching family guy. actually, regardless of how you feel about your life, stop watching family guy period.
troll 2: 2/5
best worst movie: 3.5/5
submitted to Pussy Goes Grrr’s juxtaposition blogathon